My Little Slice of Heaven
By Haywood Jablowme | February 18, 2008
The evening was cold and still. I thought of all the fine chicks I was going to have sex with between my apartment and the grocery store as I put on my jacket and other articles that might keep me safe from the biting cold. I stood there staring at the wall with my head cocked as I replayed the story of the filthy homeless whore that wanted my cock. Although it never actually happened, it was something that filled a great many of my thoughts whether I wanted it to or not. It went something like this…
As I pass the park I notice a filthy, smelly, vile old toothless hag sitting on the park bench. As the sound of a twig snaps under my boot she turns and stares in quiet awe.
“Can I suck your dick?” she asks with her toothless gums flapping as she speaks.
“Hell yeah!” I reply as I move in for the sexy goodness.
But that shit never happens to me. The best I get is fat chicks off the internet that break my bed and eat my food. God my life sucks.
I was just at the part of the story where the toothless old hag peels off her urine stained undergarments when I was jolted back to reality. Feeling a little silly, I stood there pretending I was examining a defect in the wall lest someone watching might think ill of me. It might seem odd since I live alone, but reality and fantasy do not always mix well.
Stepping outside I took in the crisp night air. I trudged on.
As I was drifting along in a reenactment of the homeless hag scenario I was torn from my fantasy world by an unfamiliar voice.
“Good evening sir”, said the intruder.
As I looked around I quickly realized that the voice belonged to one of this city’s finest.
“Good evening officer”, I said as I tried to block the blinding light from his patrol car that was now pointed at my face.
“Where are you going?” asked the officer.
“It’s really none of your business”, I replied without thinking.
This was not a smart move.
“What did you say?” asked the officer with an agitation to his voice.
“Have I done smoothing wrong?” is all I could reply without making matters worse while maintaining my dignity.
“I asked where you were going.”
“Well sir”, I replied. “I graduated from grade school a long time ago. I’m a big boy now. I was under the impression that this was a free country and that I didn’t need a hall pass to take a walk.”
Now, at this point some of you might be thinking a lot of things. Like perhaps that I am an idiot or that I am some sort of rabble rouser. The truth is that I never intended to say any of those things. I would have been just as contented to tell the officer where I was going and be on my way but for some reason the words “Grocery Store” came out as all that shit above.
“Look here”, said the officer as he stepped closer to me. “We have had a lot of criminal activity on this street in the past month. Just Last week there were 2 rape attempts.”
“I appreciate your concern officer. But I can take care of myself.”
The officer shook his head.
“Do you know why I stopped you?”
“No”
Success! I managed to keep from saying the first thing that came to my mind (because you’re a dick).
“Well”, said the officer as he scratched his head. “Put yourself in my shoes. Here is a large male wearing all black walking down the street where there have been two rape attempts in the past week.”
“So that makes me a rapist?” I interrupted.
“No”, replied the officer. “That alone does not. But add in the fact that you have a massive erection and things get more complicated.”
At the officers urging I looked down to see a protrusion coming from the front of my pants. Although I was embarrassed I did feel rather proud that he had referred to it as a ‘massive’ erection. Thing did not look good. I came back with the only reasonable excuse I could think of.
“This is a college town and you are surprised to see a young male walking around with an erection?”
A muffled chuckle could be heard from behind the blinding light, presumably from the officer’s partner.
The officer asked to see my identification and continued with all the formalities that go a long with his job. As I sat there on the curb with my hands behind my back my mind wondered back to that park bench and that magical toothless whore. I closed my eyes and could almost feel the warm sensation of her toothless gums as they slid across my man meat in a furry of wet mouth stuffing. The aroma of stale whiskey and body odor drifted slowly into my nostrils like some sort of wonderful perfume of the gods.
“Please stand up”, the officer said, ripping me from the best part of my fantasy.
I stood up.
“I would advise you to…”, said the officer as he trailed off, obviously distracted by something. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked in disgust.
This time he didn’t need to say anything, I knew. The erection had returned.
“Just get the hell out of here”, said the officer as he handed back my identification. “You seriously need to get that thing looked at”.
“I will”, I replied as I took my identification.
As I walked past the park my dream girl was once again absent. Some might say that my preoccupation with a toothless homeless hag is not “healthy”. Well, if that’s true then I certainly do not wish to be healthy. In a world of bullshit and hypocrites, I find solace in the fantasy world I have created. From the toothless old hag to the one armed, blind midget, my little fantasy world is a place where I can be me without having to worry about social norms or rejection. In this world I am master of my domain. As long as it exists I am happy. I just hope no one ever finds out about it. That sure would be embarrassing.
Topics: Story | No Comments »
« Previous Entries